so scooter & i were bemoaning the unavoidable holiday weight gain that we have each respectively succumbed to earlier this evening…oh how i dread, yet never fail to avoid, the fattening. and she pointed out that everything that is good & pleasurable in life makes you fat.
such as:
- eating
(or in my case, merely even thinking about looking at food) - drinking
(do you have any idea how many calories are in alcohol?) - watching tv/the innernets/general states of “rest”
etc.
and i’m sure there are more things that are fun to do that will undoubtedly result in a considerably larger ass.
however, i started thinking of all the funtastic things you can do that won’t result in thunder thighs and quadruple-chins. in some cases, it may even prevent unseemly weight gain.
for example:
- wanking
(aside from the unfortunate possible RSI risk, it’s all good!) - fucking
(unless of course you get knocked up…then, FAT!) - sleeping
(it would be pretty fucked up if that made you fatter) - smoking crack, heroin or meth
- smoking – the non-crack/heroin/meth kind
(occasionally mentioned as an appetite suppressant) - becoming a professional coke whore
(it’s fun and profitable!) - molesting children
(ever notice how svelte michael jackson is?)
at any rate, the battle against my ever-widening ass continues. at the very least, i’m doing it for the sake of all them fine folk down in rhode island; because when i stand up, my ass eclipses the sun for the entire state of rhode island. it’s not a pretty sight.
