the bad mood from earlier in the week has festered & grown and become quite prevalent today. so much so, that even the prospect of football tonight is not all that enticing. at least not enough to cheer me up right now. and that’s another thing, i fucking hate being cheered up by like…people. it’s usually just a really annoying thing to have to put up with when people try to cheer me up. luckily, the people that really know me, never do shit like that.
ok so football, think about football…football football football…try not to think of the all-encompasing rage that makes you want to obliterate everything in a 50 mile radius with bloody, fiery, earth-shattering wrath. wrath wrath wrath…no, football!
hmmm…i forgot my earrings today, that’s probably not a good sign. must wear the football earrings for good luck, especially since it’s been 6 years since the raiders hosted detroit in the preseason (6 years on my birthday, in fact…and they totally won, then!). ugh…
wrath wrath wrath.
i hate this. i knowish why i’m mad, and that just makes me madder. angrier. much more volatile. moreover, i hate when PEOPLE make me angry because i do not like someone else having that kind of power over me. it makes me that much more angrier, like…fuck you! for garnering any kind of control over my emotions; and fuck you! for being an inconsiderate, self-absorbed twat; and fuck you! for even registering on the radar of Shit that Bothers Me; and fuck you! for ruining my friday & my footballday and everything else in general. fuck you! to any and all that make me so fucking, frustratingly angry.
but more importantly, fuck me for not knowing what to do about it. and maybe also for getting to the ‘fuck it, i totally don’t care’ stage. because it’s not even worth the energy required to issue a hearty, totally genuine “fuck you!”
just, so not worth it anymore.
just…fuck everything.
“The truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry†.
