ok, so clearly my brain is fried somethin’ awful. like you wouldn’t believe. and i’m not under even under the influence of any substances of any form whatsoever.
honest!!!
i swears i’m not!
f’real…the truth!!!
so i’m vegging on the couch with my friends on new year’s day and essentially being a giant blob of non-moving goo…and we’re watching ancient episodes of the motherfuckin’ cosby show and fuck me if i don’t realize that the show came out in 1984…
AND seeing as how it is now 2004 that means it was twenty motherfuckin’ years ago. twenty! can you fucking believe that? 2-0!
and then, it dawns on me that I’VE been around for twenty years. more, even! i mean, yeah i KNOW that i was well aware of my 20th birthday — ::sheds a tear:: summer lovin’ in winthrop, livin’ on the river — and recently turned 21, but it just. dawned. on. me.
holy freaking crap, yo. it fuckin’ snuck up on me, in a way.
oooh and today, fuckin’ today i realized that it’s been 3 years. three motherfuckin’, god damned, sonofabitch evil, demented years since i lost everything. well i mean, i always *knew* always…but it’s coming up…the three year…i refuse to call it an anniversary. i never forget that day. ever. how in the hell can i? it’s the kind of thing that haunts you forever and ever. thanksgiving i made it through. christmas i dealt with ::sobs::. new year’s was…heh…i enjoyed new year’s. but this is the part of the holiday season that i can’t freaking deal with…
::sniff::
and then…and then!!!!
i also know how long it’s been since i talked to the rockstar, since i saw him, since we were together…
fuck.
i hate remembering shit.
hate hate hate hate hate it.
i don’t want to rememberate shit like this, ya know. why can’t my brain just keep out the crap that makes me angry and frustrated and miserable inside and remember stuff that keeps me kinda sane?
DAMNIT!
