considering how much of the stuff i seem to go through…
i’ve barely been at work a couple of hours and already my brainmeats are just starting to throb. everything is pissing me off and everyone is breaking stuff or ruining things or generally just pissing all over my damned wheaties. only this time, it’s nobody in chicago, but rather everyone who is wherever i’m not.
i’m so fucking frustrated with work right now that i don’t really know what to do to make it better.
i just keep toying with the idea of re-doing my resume and putting myself out there again…except i fucking know what that will bring:
- piss-poor paying entry level position: which means can’t afford my apartment or to pay the bills
- starting up in a place where nobody knows my abilities and never gives me a fucking chance (which isn’t that much of a change, actually)
- starting all over from scratch in terms of vacation, health insurance, pay rate, etc.
- leaving an office full of people i really like to work with (usually)
- leaving an office where i can do pretty much anything
- having to deal with a whole new schedule: which means change in daily commute, change in money spent on transportation, change in location, etc.
- i’d most likely have to adhere to an actual dress code
- there’s a chance new co-workers would all be assholes
- there’s an even BIGGER CERTAINTY (not chance) that a new supervisor would be even worse than anything i’ve had to deal with so far
i don’t know exactly when i fell out of love with my job…but i really want to get back into the whole “i love my job” mode. and not just because of open bars or whatever, that’s barely like 5% of why i ever loved my job…it’s just…
right now i’m really disenchanted. and frustrated. and stressed.
it’s making me sound distinctly whiny; which i hate. it’s making me feel despondent and overwhelmed; which i also hate.
i am not even looking for recognition or praise, i just want to be able to do my job without everyone shitting all over me or interfering or keeping me from doing actual work by filling my day with asinine bullshit. as much as i love(d) my job, i cannot tolerate being undermined. especially when it’s in a place i’ve been for over 4 fucking years!
it doesn’t sit well with me. at all.
so…
i don’t know what to do. i don’t even have nice interview clothes or anything. oh god…i haven’t even gotten to the interview part…jesus.
