today i’m staring down the barrel of an entirely different gun. before, i was thinking how completely unfathomable it was to have time limited in such a fashion…how unbefuckinglievably small that amount of time was…beyond unfair, beyond terrifying, beyond anything i could imagine.
at the time.
it’s funny how life has a way of taking your worst fears, your worst imaginable scenarios and taking them apart and making them even worse.
today time is mocking me in an entirely different fashion.
before, all i could see and all i could think of was that 6 months was in no way, shape, or fashion anywhere remotely near ENOUGH. and then i learned, then i found out…no matter how awful such a limit sounded to me at the time, i had no idea how bad it could really be. i had no idea just how little time there was…but i found out.
now, all i can see and all i can think of is that 6 months is woefully, heartbreakingly, painfully too long. i am…bereft. jaded, jilted and crushed and i have gone too long without…the worst part is, this is only bound to get worse. today it feels like too long since…
far, far too long.
but tomorrow will bring no reprieve, tomorrow only ticks and tocks away the seconds that make every fucking thing worse. because it’s only going to get longer. and there’s not a fucking thing i can do about it.
