i confess
…that i miss you. miss you more than ever, miss you more than i knew it was possible to miss someone. miss you like someone cut me open and tore out something very important, very vital and left just a hollowed out shell of who i used to be.
i confess time doesn’t do a god damned thing to make it better. three years later hurts just as much (if not more) as three months, three weeks, three days, three hours, three minutes, three seconds since you’ve been gone.
i confess not a day goes by where i don’t miss you so much, where i don’t try and bargain with god for things i could do to get you back, to see you again…what i wouldn’t give up to be with you…
i confess i’m so lost without you, and it’s now…this time of year when i can’t find my way because missing you becomes so hard. i’ll want to see you, ask your advice, tell you something i did, call you on the phone, get one of your hugs.
and you’re not there.
i confess it’s very selfish of me to miss you like this, to wish you were still here when i know you’re probably better off, without pain. i confess the child in me that loves you so much is too stubborn to let go.
i confess i hate the fact that all time is doing is letting pieces of you slip away, memories are hazy and faded, time makes it worse.
i confess i’m terrified of the day when all i’ll have left to look back on are pictures, old letters & presents from long ago, it’s like i’m at odds with my own mind.
i confess some memories are still too painful…and i wish it weren’t so.
but most of all, i confess that i’ll always miss you.
