I remember you as you were in the last autumn.
You were the grey beret and the still heart.
In your eyes the flames of the twilight fought on.
And the leaves fell in the water of your soul.
Clasping my arms like a climbing plant
the leaves garnered your voice, that was slow and at peace.
Bonfire of awe in which my thirst was burning.
Sweet blue hyacinth twisted over my soul.
I feel your eyes traveling, and the autumn is far off:
Grey beret, voice of a bird, heart like a house
Towards which my deep longings migrated
And my kisses fell, happy as embers.
Sky from a ship. Field from the hills:
Your memory is made of light, of smoke, of a still pond!
Beyond your eyes, farther on, the evenings were blazing.
Dry autumn leaves revolved in your soul.
august is over, and with the end of the month comes a heavy sorrow that i had not prepared myself for. the dawn of autumn brings about a season of change, that no matter how much i dread, i am not able to prepare myself for.
avoidance seems to be working. sunday i spent all day sprawled out, plastered within myself by a prevailing ache. nothing and no one could make it stop, and all i wanted to do was squeeze my eyes shut and block out the world, to disappear.
that is my greatest wish: to disappear. shut my brain off, close out the rest of the world, and fade away. when everything is too much, too hard, too raw…i wish to vanish.
and, okay, so maybe that’s not the most mature way of dealing with things and i probably completely ruined the boy’s weekend in the process but…
it hurts.
there’s a handful of days that simply hurt.
and as the summer winds down, i just don’t know how i’m going to deal with the fall, the winter…and everything that goes with it.
