it started yesterday…with sections and scheduling eating me. realizing i’m going to have like no time whatsoever during the day and still being unholy exhausted all the time (on top of the fact that i’m still eating far too much, and getting fatter and fatter). and then the insanity of work at stax…with all the web revision bullshit.
utter bullshit.
and it just gets worse…
getting on the shuttle for my chem lecture and having my mother call ? after she left two insane messages on my phone ? just to ream me out for having the audacity to go and take tuition into my own hands. how dare i try to pay my way through college! i mean, i know we have no fucking money. i *know* this, man! i have fucking $27 to my name until next thursday, you think i’m not aware of the family financial situation? i fucking am, ok. that’s fucking WHY i took out so many god damned loans to make my first tuition payment. we have no money, you dig? i had to register. i can’t register without making some sort of payment towards tuition. so i basically offer up my soul, right arm, left leg & first-born offspring just to get a 1/2-way decent financial aid package from the college. tuition payment covered, registration secured.
i handled that shit, right?
i am clearly an ungrateful wench of a child, now. it appears.
i am a fuckup and can’t do anything right.
meh.
so then i scamper off to my lecture, realize i’m in over my head and since i was about 10 minutes late i have to sit in the back where i can’t see shit and pretend to follow along but really i spend most of the fucking hour trying to decipher the TF’s scribblings on the board so i’ll have some sort of comprehensive notes that i can look at later (in theory). it was semi-productive, but i’m still not feelin’ too good about what i took away from it. i have mucho reading to do in order to supplement what i think they were trying to teach us.
get out of lecture, and the motherbeast calls again. this time to call my ass down for causing her to call my ass down the first time. it’s her convoluted and fucked up way of apologizing to me for being such a mega wench. only, it comes in the form of continued yelling. i love how she calls to take 20 minutes to say ‘you’re a fuckup and can’t do anything right!’ while i’m in the middle of IMPORTANT SHIT when it really only takes what, like 20 seconds to say that?
i mean, i’m not some fucking angsty teenager hiding out in my room and listening to like, the motherfuckin’ cure or something. and this is going to make me sound SO CHILDISH and petulant, but i’m a fucking adult god-damn it. i’ve been holdin’ my own for a long fucking time already…i mean, shit.
i don’t need this shit.
really, i don’t.
