so like, i have two weeks left of the school term, and am more behind than i ever imagined. but that just means winter break is coming up…and…
i’m not prepared for that. i don’t know if i’m going home. i don’t know if i’ll get to see my friends and my baby brother. i don’t know if i’ll get to see scooter on her birthday. and it sucks. up one side and down the other. a suck of truly epic proportions.
i hate this feeling, this looming doom and dread and whatthefuckever. everyone is always so excited to go home for the holidays, to get away from school and see their family. i dread it. i miss my friends when they’re gone, and get so fucking lonely. when the dorms are quiet and no one is around it’s so lonely.
yeah, maybe i’m being melodramatic or whatever, but honestly how can i get excited about the prospect of being told what a fuckup i am? being called down for even breathing the wrong way? like i’m so jonesed for that. i mean, if anyone knows i’m a fuckup it’s me, ok. like, i am *well* aware of this fact. i just…oh fuck it.
thinking about this shit ultimately just makes me feel worse. i hate this. i don’t have a home. i’m not allowed to see the only family i got left. i have all of like $3.00 to my name and a metric buttfuckton of debt, and nothing.
…nothing…
note: i’m not being an ungrateful drama queen here, i haven’t forgotten my fabulous friends and everything i have going for me out here. i just feel like shit.
i feel like if i weren’t around i wouldn’t feel so shitty anymore. hopefully i don’t forget to delete this crap tomorrow or something. it’s wretchedly emo and whiney and bitchtastic.
