lie in bed and curse the sun. kick off the covers cuz it’s too oppressively hot and you’ve burrowed deep within them to ward off the freezing cold of night; but the sun is shining so brightly now, burning through the covers and roasting you alive. blink. blink again. wipe your eyes and drag carcass up to a relative sitting position.
pants.
where are my pants?
pjama pants, a robe, something…anything, your bladder is about to burst if you don’t get down the hall to the stupid communal bathroom now — no, like right NOW — and you find yourself seriously considering just running past those three doors separating yours from your bathroom salvation in nothing but the tshirt you passed out in, undies and socks. it seriously does sound like a good idea most mornings.
bladder appeased, stumbling back to the room, rubbing sleep out of your eyes and trying to get your contacts to uncloud. to focus on anything for longer than 3 seconds. wakefulness has not approached yet. not even close. lights are turned on, shutters straightened, bed glanced at in disdain. sleepytime music mix on the computer has to be switched to something for the day, monitor turned back on. complete and utter lack of direction and/or motivation for the day.
and then? what?
my life lacks a routine right now, and thusly has fallen into a completely pitiful state. i think i’ve seen everything the internet has to offer, have been glued to my computer or a book for the past week without any direction to my actions whatsoever. spastic email conversations and random ims. message board posts and eventually trudging into the shower to wake up 100%…only to come back to a completely disastrous excuse for a bedroom and attempt to squeeze into some clothes that are at least somewhat forgiving on a totally horrendous figure. or lack thereof, more accurately.
work? convincing myself to drag myself out to work at some unholy hour — thinking ‘oh, i’ll go at 1 or 2, right after lunch, straight away!’ — and not showing up till well-past 5, and often damn-near 6. not coming home till 8, 9, 10 pm or later…with nothing to show for it.
boredom.
apathy.
this is my routine.
