to: New England
from: me
re: the “weather”
dear new england,
it appears that you have made a grave oversight most recently. namely that, you have not acknowledged the fact that it is fucking spring already. in fact, it has been for quite some time now. however, you have chosen not to acknowledge this very simple fact — repeatedly, i might add. additionally, i have become aware of future transgressions on the horizon, looming with freezing cold rain and gusting wind from hell. (fyi: hell is not boiling, broiling hot; it is frigid, freezing and damnably cold — sound familiar?) and for this reason, i have only one thing to say to you:
lick deez motherfuckin’ nutz!
fuck you very much,
me
