can’t.hardly.wait.
(which is a shitty ass movie, btw)
oh man, three days, yo. three days. tres dias! te lo juro, i’m going crazy trying to get everything in order *and* keep my mind occupied until nick gets here. i can’t believe i pulled it off and he’s actually coming to visit! i’m going to spend the next few days getting the apartment in order and cleaning up for when he gets here. three days three days three days, ay dios, three days!!!!
also, there are some other things i have to take care of.
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATIONS
i loves my little brother, you see. and i’m beyond excited for him to come out here. but there are a few issues i’ll have to handle before he arrives (in just three days!). because, while he is already in the double digits — just barely — he is very much still my little baby; and you know, i still can beat the ever-livin’ crap out of him. i, however, am not a baby. i cringe to say “i’m an adult now!” or “i’m all grown up!”, because it sounds so stupidly trite and also childish. ironical, no?
but, well…there are some activities i indulge in that i’m not too keen on my baby brother emulating, ya heard. i mean, i’m all for corrupting the hell out of a child who is not mine and sending it back to it’s parents far far away from me. except this child is my brother and i know how psychotic my mother is. so…yeah, looks like i’m going to have to abstain from a few things.
such as:
- drinking — ok, so i know that my brother knows what alcohol is. from the age of about 4 he could differentiate between cans of pop & cans of beer in the fridge so he’d know which one to fetch our daddy. i was the same way, beer fetchin’ children, we is. daddy drinks corona now, and i don’t believe nick is familiar with hard liquor. but…i don’t know. i’m not sure he should see his sister get plastered. also, i don’t think i could bring myself to get wasted when i’m responsible for a child. just…no. i may be klassy, but i’m not that k-lassy, ok?
- smokin’ — yes, i smoke. yes, i know it’s bad for you. yes, i’ve seen the commercials with the freaky-evil-voice-lung-cancer-lady. yes, i know…i know…I KNOW! and? people do stupid things. i am made of people, therefore…blah blah blah. bottom line: i’d rather die than smoke in front of my baby brother. just…NO. i don’t care if other people do, whatever. i’m not gonna. i mean, for some fucked up reason the poor kid looks up to me, god knows why and i hope that it wears off soon…just…no.
- ritual animal sacrifices — i’ll pretend to limit these.
- hobo buttsex — he’s never even seen a hobo before!
i’m sure there are other things i shouldn’t do around my brother, but you know. whatevers. of the things i’m not going to limit: video games, swearin’ up a storm, destruction, burninating & sacrificing small children. these are the things we will revel in, ya heard! note: i will not sacrifice the animals, but i will the small children…because animals have feelings, yo. and if i can help it, i wanna get some fireworks. or at the very least, blow shit up. these are things growing boys need to learn!
and anyway: he’s gonna be here in three days!
BEER FRIDGE
while i may be taking a mini-hiatus from maintaining the minimal amount of blood in my alcohol level, our new fridge is surely going to increase everyone else’s drinkery, i’m sure. it is equipped with a spiffy can dispenser right in the door. perfect for cans of beer. it almost — almost — makes me want to take up beer drinking again. but what i want even more is: whiskey in a can.
wouldn’t it be the most vile, disgusting stuff ever? wouldn’t that be awesome!?!?!?!?!?
PUSSY FIGHTS
let it be known, henceforth, that lola is trying to either: a.) come out of the kitty closet via demonstration by humping niamh’s head or b.) trying to royally piss niamh the fuck off because she likes to be smacked around or c.) give poor ol’ niamh a stroke or something. seriously, i don’t know why guys are all about the girl-on-girl action, because our house has been nothing but for the last few days and it’s beyond annoying. either that or niamh’s head is unbelievably delicious, unbeknownst to norah & myself, and lola just discovered this.
beware the crazed pussy, yo.
LOVE TO LOVE TO LOVE YOU FOREVER & EVER
also, i am overcome with glee: my robbie emailed me.
::sigh::
i love him.
