muggy hot ickiness everywhere. too hot to move, too hot to sleep, too hot to do nothing. unfortunately uncomfortable sleepless night. passed out between wakefulness & unconsciousness and now everything connected to my spine hurts. my neck, my shoulders, my back, my knees…going to the gym, right? yeah right…so hot, so humid, so heavy with suffocating air. and the house is a mess. a mess a mess a mess a mess! it’s disgusting and vile and cluttered — sweeping, mopping, washing, soaking, spraying, vaccuuming, folding, fluffing, wiping, organizing, trashing, cleaning and cleaning and cleaning…is it really making a difference? cat hair everywhere. cat food. kitty litter. kitty litter kitty litter kitty litter…a metric buttfuckton of cat crap in a sack. the sun is burning down on the dumpsters specifically, melting the garbage into a puddle of disgusting, molten goo. kitchen cleaned, stove wiped down, counters, floor, wash up draining…hall vaccuumed, living room organized (kinda), futon set to rights, floor vaccuumed, trash gone. toilet clean, hall straightened up, tidied…never enough. and my room is…my room is my room is my room is the last. always the last, forever the last. last last last. i don’t want to do anymore. my room is awful, but i let it be i let it be because i want to shower, to wash it all off and forget…but it’s a mess, it’s the last mess. the laundry won’t put itself away. why the fuck won’t it put itself away? i should really organize, get a grip, make a change, do something…i always leave it for last…it’s a nasty habit. always leave it always leave it always leave it for last because no matter what i do it never seems to last…savvy? days are long and nights are fleeting…the heat consumes everything and at the end of it all i get tired, or bored, or apathetic or everything all at once and no matter how much you clean or whatever it never seems to last. and so the bedroom is always the last…maybe i should at least put away the clean laundry, or make the bed. or something. anything. maybe. maybe. but it’s still heavy hot out, and the shower is inviting, the air conditioner is inviting, the outside world is inviting. i’ve already done so much…and it’s never enough…
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