so johnboy decided he doesn’t love me anymore…
he wants to be “just friends”. three and a half fucking years later and he wants to be friends?! there aren’t even words to describe what’s going through my mind right now. honestly there aren’t.
i mean…harsh, dude. harsh. that he can just sit there and say maybe we should be just friends and is okay with it — well, he says he’s hurting too but just keeps it well hidden…whatever — and i’m sitting there broken and confused and saying ‘i can’t be friends’ with him… i mean. oh god…what did i ever do to him? he doesn’t want to be with me, he wants to do the ‘friends’ thing. WTF is that? why doesn’t he understand that you don’t go from loving someone with everything you’re worth on one day to just ‘friends’ the next…you can’t! i can’t. he’s killing me.
i hate this.
i loathe and despise this.
i hate him for breaking me like this.
i hate myself for letting him do it to me.
i hate missing him.
i hate being weak.
i. hate. this.
he loves me, he wants to be with me, he thinks we’re meant to be, he doesn’t wanna hurt me. he’s trapped, he can’t take fighting, he’s only 22, he’s hurt, he doesn’t love me like that anymore….these are the things i have to work with, these are the things that are tearing me apart. *sob*
whatever am i going to do? i’m not strong enough for this. i never was. and oh god, every. single. one. of my fears, insecurities and doubts he used against me. not necessarily intentionally, but he’s confirmed everything i’ve been afraid of my whole life.
i’m unloveable.
simple as that.
