so i went to new york this weekend. and i saw jetta and coral and this ‘anthony’ boy who doesn’t talk and is coral’s ‘man’ (he hee!) and a naked cowboy. all in all it was a fabulous trip, and i had a generally great time. so much happened that i’m seriously going to have to SIT DOWN and take some HARDCORE TIME to figure it all out and get it all down, also, i have pictures. eeee!!! tons of bee-yoo-ti-ful pictures that are fantabulous and such. because omfg it was such an insane weekened.
and to think, i was so despondent about going…
because john doesn’t apparently give a rats ass if i leave for the weekend or forever. he’s officially done with me. he took everything i had to offer and has had his fill. and now he’s done. it really fucking hurts, like so unbefuckinglievably bad, but i’m trying to hold it down, ya heard. i basically cried all the way to the bus, and for a good deal of the trip that i was conscious for. and when i got to jetta’s SO!FITTED apartment we had a cryfest. me for my reasons and her for hers…*sigh*
the world sucks, yo. so hard. so bad. i swear it has serious beef with me.
well you know what?
fuck YOU world!
indeed.
and so john didn’t call me…not once…all fucking weekend. not once. how do you like that? four years later and i could’ve been mugged/raped/murderized/whatevers anywhere along the road from boston to new york and apparently he wouldn’t give a flying charbroiled fuck. isn’t that just sweet as shit? yeah…uh-huh.
and this morning he was all ‘i went out every night this weekend and it was great.’ and how he went and drank. and how he ‘sang karaoke at this one bar’ and blah blah fucking blah. and the whole time i’m like, who are you? also: how many times — HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES — have we wanted to go out on a weekend (only now i realize it was apparently just me) and he’d be all ‘we have to be back early’ cuz he had work the next morning? HOW MANY!? and he goes ‘one night i was out till 1:30 a.m. and i had work the next morning…’
like, wtf?
how can he be so heartless and cruel? seriously? is he trying to hurt me even more than he already did? cuz i honestly didn’t think it could hurt worse, but oh hell yeah it does. so. much. blah.
he must have some serious beef with me.
and as much as i love him, i hate him. so much. i hate him so fucking much for doing this to me. i hate him for destroying the best thing i had in my life. i hate him for not loving me enough. i hate him for taking all the love i had to give. i hate him for leaving me alone and to my own devices. i fucking hate him.
and i hate knowing that it will never be the same again. ever.
in other news, i’m thinking about cutting my hair. or dying it, or something. i also am seriously considering a tattoo. honestly. and i’m 10 lbs. lighter now. yay! 10 lbs. less pineapple for your dollar, people. it’s a great deal! ;)
and of course NOT, johnboy has NOT noticed….pffffttttt!!
