so to speak.
no b00ze for this girl. no chocolate. no nailbiting. and no meat on fridays. that just about covers it, methinks.
wow, um, i don’t even fucking know where to start at this point. just…
::deep breath::
ok…we’ll start with the good:
ok so yesterday was cool. i worked & worked & talked to the jetta some and that was fine & dandy. and of course it was the last night of drinkery for this girl so i headed over to gay.com after work. mind you, all day i had been binging on my incubus cd. it *really* is greatness, i fucking love it. i haven’t loaded it onto my ipod yet, but i totally have been lugging around my portable CD player and listening to the album anyway.
i can’t believe i gave the *good* CD player my daddy bought me to the rockstar. and left it in watertown! fuck. it didn’t skip like my oldskool sony player. fuck squared.
ok, anyway. went to gay.com & met brandon there for my last hurrah of drinkery. and what better way to give up the booze than by spending the night with my homey Jack? i *love* Jack, he’s so loyal and dependable and loving. ::love love love:: met some more “interesting” gay.com folk and whatnot. ooh and then pokey chris noticed me reading my new bioorganic chemistry book and unleashed a massive diatribe on…holy fuck, i don’t even know *what* that dude was talkin’ about, but there was lots of talkin’.
then brandon got the bright idea for us all to head over to B-side for frank morey (who i actually haven’t seen in a really long time) so we pile into a cab and go christ knows where in cambridge …er, the B-side. and of course brandon gets the bright idea to order some chartreuse for the three of us to split. now splitting it was a good idea. and i did take very small sips, i probably shouldn’t have followed each sip by pounding my PBR. especially after oh, i dunno 5 Jack ‘n cokes @ gay.com
anyway, frank morey called in sick…or some shit so we didn’t stay there. we ended up going back to gay.com. and guess who had more Jack?
did ya guess?
that’s right…this girl!
::smart::
now, here’s what i don’t remember. sometime after that at around i dunno 1 fucking am we end up going back to brandon’s place. and, i was not feelin’ too hot. that’s right…chartreuse is fucking strong. not to mention kinda herbal tasting. i got sick. blegh. talk about going out with a bang, yo.
::suck::
then this morning i get a call from the rockstar…claiming i called him last night, around the time we had left the port for brandon’s house. um. i *so* don’t remember calling him. at all. at all at all! i asked brandon over im and he don’t remember me ever making a phone call either. so i was like, ‘wtf, rockstar?’ then he says he’ll call me right back. i’m sittin there thinking, DUDE I HAVE TO GET TO WORK! but he calls back. he fucking calls back…shit. so we talk, and i did check my phone and apparently i did call him. and brandon, at like 1 am. what the hell? i don’t know why i would’ve done any of that at all… meh.
anyway, fast forward to going to work. i get here, i worky worky worky…still kinda oogy feelin’ from teh chartreuse, but you know, holdin’ it down for ’04. then it’s about 12 o’clock, and the rockstar calls.
::sigh::
and i scurry outside to meet him. because it’s ash wednesday, and we’re going to mass together. and i’m the lamest, most pathetic, most retarded thing in the entire world. i mean…what the FUCK is the matter with me? seriously?
it was such a bad idea. for a number of reasons. i mean, he looked good — he ALWAYS looks good. he was nice, he was funny, he was sweet and all that stuff…and he’s not mine anymore. about a million times i just wanted to burst into tears over and over again. i can’t fucking take it. i can’t. but i only did it cuz i wanted to see him so bad — i’m a masochist. we went to wendy’s and got lunch for him…then went to mass.
i forgot how much i love talking to that boy. ok no, i didn’t forget. but we weren’t talking about us, we were talking about…things…
fuck.
the whole thing felt very coupley and that just made it worse cuz we’re not a couple anymore.
we’re not a couple anymore…
oh god.
fuck.
so there’s this part in the mass where you give everyone peace, right? ‘peace be with you…’ and i deliberately shook hands with everyone around us, just to avoid having to look into those eyes…just…
FUCK!
so rockstar turns to me and pulls me close and goes ‘come here, you.’ and gives me a big ol’ hug… ::cries:: peace be with you, indeed…
and when mass was over we’re walking out and we cross the street and i have to head one way to my office and he has to get to class…and he fucking hugs me again.
i tell him ‘you know i hate you so much still, right?’ (while hugging him back, because i’m that lame) and he goes ‘i know…but you’ll hate me less and less.’
::cries more::
fuck.
just…FUCK!
