i shouldn’t be so amuserated by this, yet i am; it’s from Cool Ways to Kill Yourself:# Get a LOT of explosives. The more the better.
# Hook up a detonator to an altimeter. Set it for 100-200 feet. That will give you good dispersion.
# Mix vaseline and gasoline in a bucket.
# Find a really tall building. Something like the World Trade Center is perfect and is in a sufficiently crowded area to generate the proper sized crowd.
# Get an extra large trench coat, ski mask, duct tape and a lighter.
# Bring your materials to the top of your building. Liberally apply the vaseline-gasoline mixture to your entire body. Duct tape the explosives around your legs, arms, head and torso. The more you use the better. You cannot overdo this. Attach the altimeter to the explosives.
# Put on the trench coat and mask so that the explosives are not visible.
# Start ranting and throwing things so that you are sure to attract notice. Drag this part out as long as possible. Say anything that comes to mind but try to stay away from real problems. Your love life DOES NOT make for a good sound bite. Ask for news cameras from the major networks. Pace around a lot while waving your arms.
# DO NOT let on that you have explosives on your body. The police will clear the area and you definitely don’t want that.
# When you’ve gotten the crowd to a fevered pitch, when the helicopters are hovering like vultures, whip off the jacket and set yourself on fire.
# Wait until you are completely engulfed in flame then jump.
# Try to steer yourself towards the crowd. That way flaming falling body parts will pelt the fleeing onlookers when you explode.
# Congratulations! You’ve just made history.
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