so. fucking. tired.
it’s not work, it’s not the gym, it’s not the non-sleep, it’s not any of that…it’s the pretending. i’m so fucking tired of pretending. i’m exceptionally good at it, but christ it wears on me over time, ya know. it’s so very draining. i keep wondering how much longer i can pull it off, if it will stop, or anything like that, ya know. i just…
i’m weary.
i shouldn’t complain. but just once, just once i’d like a worry-free, relaxed, lighthearted day. just once…
::sigh::
oh and i was thinking and dug up an old poem i fell in love with when i was 13…of course at that time i was all awestruck over how powerful love seemed. because i had never known it. it was elusive and mysterious and something that seemed beautiful. all these years later, i know better. it’s none of that. it’s debilitating, it’s terminal…
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted,
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this!
The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow;
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken
And share in its shame.
They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o’er me—
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee
Who knew thee too well:
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.
In secret we met:
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?—
With silence and tears.
