today was palm sunday, er…sunday was palm sunday. i got up, i cursed the daylight savings time change, i went to mass. i cried for about a million and one things at mass, then wandered around harvard square in the rain and rang norah. we went to see return of the king in arlington, then got lunch at davis square…’twas super fun.
buck a book is an awesome store, btw. oooh and norah got her own rummikub, which we played at her place, before heading back to That Where Evil is Dwelling (until today) aka watertown for muffy’s baseball thing.
’twas good.
i mean, i’m not a fan of baseball, but norah talked me into it. and we were just getting into a game of scrabble when my cellphone rang. it was the rockstar’s ring…
everything that followed was pain — cold, hard, knife-in-the-gut pain. i’ve had horrible conversations with the rockstar before, but this time it was different. i know no matter how many times i try to tell myself otherwise, it’s different. he had a lousy birthday gathering thing…
because the girl he’s interested in was late & then blew him off.
::cries::
he’s interested in another girl. he wanted to date her. dear lord help me, please…i know if i don’t find some kind of closure i’ll never have anything more than loneliness for the rest of my days. it’s so beyond over…and in a way, i suppose i’m better off without him, but the loneliness still floods in with the darkness. the nights drag on endlessly, the space next to me in bed empty. and there isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t wish on a star for him to come back, for him to give my heart back.
i fucking told him i love him, tonight (er sunday night)…that i love him but i can’t do this anymore. and he didn’t have the decency to tell me he doesn’t love me. just that i’m not worth talking to.
i wish his memory away, i beg for solace, for mercy…i gave him my heart in complete surrender, and he left, he left it and he left me…my dreams are haunted by him, his voice slowly drives me to madness…and there’s not one fucking thing i can do about it.
