so on the one hand, i haven’t communicated with the rockstar at all since the day after easter. that’s 15 days. that’s any communication at all (last time was via im), and a whole nother week on top of that for any voice converasation at all (last time for that was on his birthday, a truly *lovely* conversation at that).
on the other hand, i haven’t communicated with the rockstar at all in 15 days. just over two weeks, with nothing.
yeah…i’m teh lame.
::sighs::
of course if i wasn’t such a spineless weakling, maybe i wouldn’t have put this off for so long. or something. or if i had’ve just not answered my phone last night it may have gone on longer than two weeks — i mean…uh, you know, *much* longer than two weeks.
so yeah, there’s the part of me that still gets so mind-numbingly retarded over the boy. the part that aches and such over the fact that you know what, we’ve gone over two weeks without talking and he’s FINE. it *really* hurts (because i *am* that retarded) when someone who you love …er, “loved”… so freaking much doesn’t need you. is fine without you…perfect without you…absolutely ok without you…but you’re falling apart.
still.
how fucking lame is that?
oh, and i saw his mom monday afternoon in la junta. :(
eva’s not doin’ well, y’all…not well at all. she’s so frail, so weak, so tiny and in so much pain…it tore me up inside to see her. i love her, dave too…i mean, christ…they were family for 4 years of my life, you know! i should’ve gone by sooner, i was just scared. so very scared. of what she would think of me, what she would say, how it would seem. but in the end, i’m glad i went.
it still messed me up “[the rockstar] talks about you all the time” she said.
over two weeks of NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER until last night…
yeah, mindfuckings…great.
she *did* call him a manwhore though…that was awesome. i love eva.
