bow down before foamy! you’re lord & master!!!!
heh. who ever would’ve thunk that i’d actually *like* a squirrel?
observe:
Neurotically Yours: Episode # 039: Dating Advice
This is going to be dating advice from the lord & master….FOAMY!
Alright you women out there, listen closely. These guys you should look out for, the type of guy who is driving around listening to fucking dance music like Zombie Nation and stupid dumb ass songs from the mid 90’s that no body gives a shit about. Y’know they turn it up really loud to get your attention while driving by as if your going to throw yourself on top of the car and start pounding on the windshield and say “Oh, I love you because your playing Zombie Nation!” Yeah okay. What the fuck ever. What you do is, aim for the tires and fucking blow those shits out and then he will crash into a telephone pole.
Fuck that shit, and watch out for those guys who come over on the weekend and all they do is watch football and then every five minutes they say “Hey babe, can you get me a beer from the fridge?” Fuck that shit! Tell that fat bastard to get up and get it himself. If he gives you a response like “well, I work all week” Well, you know what? I’m sure most of you women out there work all week and have to take care of a fucking child. Tell this fat bastard to get up and get his own beer. Tell him it’s the least you can do since you’ve been carrying a child around in your stomach for nine months. These lazy fucking bastards just fucking piss me off and watch out for guys that call you by pet names more than they do your own name, and if they ever refer to you as “my girl” you drop that fucker like a rock and not to get down on all you guys.
Don’t worry, there are women you should be looking out for too. Alright, Like women that dress like damn sluts, you don’t want to be affiliated with. If you can see more cleavage than a plumbers, ass don’t get involved, it’s just going to cause problems when you decide to become possessive and domineering over their life.
Also watch out for women that wear expensive jewelry. You know, the kind of fucking bitch that has 15 different kinds of rings on each finger. Oh, and people with name plates. You know, these fucking women who have their names on this little chain as if they’d fucking forget and then women who have their own name tattooed on their own body. It’s just stupid. Like are they really THAT stupid that they wake up in the morning and say “Oh my god! What’s my name?” and they have to look at their ass in the mirror to find out who they are, “Oh that’s right, I’m Amy.” give me a fucking break! You don’t want to deal with women who doesn’t know who they are. Oh, and here is a good test when your window shopping, if they pull you by your arm to a jewelry window, smash their hand into the window and run because you don’t want to deal with some money hungry bitch.
My only piece of advice to have a sound relationship is to leave each other alone. Don’t be overly concerned. Don’t try to domineer them, Let them be independent. Let them do what they want. You think you people can understand that? but yeah, there are some reasons to be suspicious. Like if your girl friend walks in the room with a condom on her head then you know you may want to ask a few questions but other than that try to trust the individual. If it doesn’t work out, you know what? Fuck them! Let them drop dead from some weird disease. And die. You’re better than that and you don’t have to validate yourself through another person’s life. Every individual is an island and can be an island. You do not need a significant other to live life. So stop seeking something that isn’t there and move on.
Suckers.
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Copyright: Jonathan Ian Mathers: 2004.
illwillpress.com
heh. i :plain: foamy!
