what
the
fuck?
no, seriously…i mean…there is nothing, absolutely NOTHING i lust after more than a classic ‘stang. i mean, talk about motorboner…i have ‘stang-dar, too. it doesn’t matter where i am or what i’m doing, if there is a mustang in a 5 mile radius i zero in on it. i dissolve into a quivering mass of drooling idolatry and just…relish it.
i *will* sell body parts for a classic mustang, i shit you not. but why — why God WHY?! — is the ford co. continually bastardizing a great piece of machinery?
mustangs after 1970, for example, i have no use for. they are basically a mazda with a horse slapped on the front and emblazoned on the interior in a manner no different than giving a whore $20 to dress up like a nun one night. it’s the same principle. trying to pass off inferior goods for the real thing. now a classic ‘stang, there is a thing of beauty, my friends.
and here they’re rolling out with the mustang 2005 and trying to spin it like they’re ‘going retro’ and ‘back to the roots’ of the epitome of mustang greatness, but all it really is is this giant bastardization of a fabulous machine. take a ’68 gt500…[insert swoon here] — shelby, hallowed be thy name — now THAT is a car. a truly fine automobile.
these new mustangs, while they are attempting to go back to that uber-sexy body style of yore, lack a little something. and to put it point blank, they are ugly as fuck.
i mean, the goal is to one day sell a limb that is not vital to the driving process and/or various organs so that i could some day afford a classic mustang. this is all in the event that i cannot bring myself to breed even for love of a fabulous vehicle — because if i ever do decide that my love of classic cars eclipses my revulsion at ever spawning, then i will spawn immediately, sell the offspring to slavery and/or the black market and get me some kicky new wheels. you dig?
but just…why take pieces of a classic style and mutate it with the fiber-glass mazda craptacular design that ford has been churning out for the last thirty years?
why?
it just doesn’t make sense.
