according to this article on netscape, women want the following (commentary in italics, rant to follow):
- Saying “I love you” before, during or after sex doesn’t count.
um, like…who *didn’t* know that. but i’m skeptical of the L-word anyway now…you know, the whole “burn me once…” thing… mehz0rz. - When we ask you how we look, “fine” is not an appropriate answer.
yeah, right. like i’d ever ask the boy (or any boy, for that matter) how i look! - We obsess over whether you’ll call from the moment we give you our number.
…only if we’ve skipped our meds… - We fantasize. But it’s usually about you.
key word to note: usually. - We love it when you email us at work.
ok i have to admit, this is primarily true. work is boring as fuck. the boy and i email back and forth pretty much every day, all day. and it definitely helps to break up the monotony. besides, it’s fun. - No matter how cool we seem about it, if you did something bad, we’re pissed off.
what.evs. if a dude pisses me off, believe me, he KNOWS about it. regardless of who he is. - Don’t patronize us by asking if our bad mood is because of PMS.
any dude who values his testicles, knows this from birth. - Don’t ever tell us what to do, even when we ask you to.
why the fuck would i ask someone “what do i do now?” without wanting a fucking answer? that’s just stupid. how else do you think i learn how to play video games? - We will leave you if you lie to us.
big.fat.word. i can’t fucking stand liars. - We’re unimpressed by men who don’t take the lead. Be a man, dammit!
::shrug:: whatever. i don’t need a man to lead me around, in fact, if someone tried, i guarantee that i would react highly unpleasantly to it. most likely exceptionally violently. fucking gender stereotypes. - We love when you hold our hands.
…unless we’re feeling grody and icky. or need to wash our hands. or we’re trying to smack you and you hold our hands down…bastard. but on a whole, hand holding is kinda nice. - We need to hear how you feel about us. Tell us right now. And again in ten minutes.
again: only if we’ve skipped our meds and are completely psychotic, insecure bitches. jesus. if someone told me how they felt about me (good or bad) every ten minutes i’d be forced to shut them the fuck up. god, annoying! - We want to be the best thing that ever happened to you — and for you to know it.
what kind of girl wants to be an/a [ipod/xbox/inflatable doll/pizza/alcohol]? wtf? that’s highly conceited. and stupid. - If we don’t feel loved, we’ll start looking elsewhere.
well that’s kinda “duh”, but if you’re loved…you just…know. and if you require that someone reaffirm their affections every god damned day/hour/minute/second/whatever, then you’ll probably never be happy with anybody. because they won’t be able to meet your crazy expectations. - Don’t talk about your ex. Ever.
yes, forbidding someone to do something, ultimatums, commands, direct orders…those are all *smart* ideas. NOT. exes are tricky things, but if i can’t control when my psychotic loser ex gets randomly gets ahold of me, how am i to assume that a dude can? whatevers. exes are exes for a reason - We like porn, too.
::shrug:: i guess. i’ve never really watched any pr0n. (unless it stars your mom) - We remember everything about our relationships. Yes, everything.
gah. that’s unfortunately kinda true. but i don’t remember big “milestones” i remember completely random and inane things that just won’t go away. like, i don’t remember my first time, except for the vaguest details. but i’ll remember a conversation, or a movie or something crazy like that. or the color of a shirt, or something watched, something eaten or drank. it’s retarded. - We let you fix things.
define “fix things”? that’s stupid. if i can do something, i’ll do it my own damned self. otherwise that’s just lazy. - You’re sexiest when you’re: sweating, driving, shaving, or holding a baby.
the only way anyone is sexy while they’re holding a baby, is if they’re getting ready to grill that sucker up for dinner. babies = anti-boner. - We’ve faked it.
i’ve only had to fake it once. and that was the only time i slept with the party in question, and i don’t like to talk about it. - Groping and foreplay are not the same thing.
i suppose it depends on my mood, but it could be. mayhaps. still…random drunken bar groping by strangers. BAD LIST! - While we’re on the subject: more foreplay!
i think the prevalent thing out there is that women always complain about their sex lives. not enough forplay, no orgasms, etc. etc. etc. some women have good sex lives, damnit. and it’s a two-way street. if you’re not enjoying yourself, make an effort. maybe you’re partner’s not enjoying himself either. i mean, fuck. unless you’re “flying solo”, sex is *always* a two-way thing. what kind of picture does it paint when all guys here is how much women are full of disdain for sex? huh? er, i mean, i’m fine with the amount of foreplay in my life… ::cough:: - If we’re not having sex it’s because: we feel fat; we don’t feel very close to you, or we are punishing you for not doing something our way.
i agree on reason #1. sometimes i just feel icky. and i hate myself. but if i don’t feel close to someone (that sounds so tardish) then they would never be in a position where we’d be fucking anyways. how stupid. and #3? that is the dumbest thing ever. how is it effective to deny myself sex, too? huh? that’s so stupid! additionally, why would i punish a dude? what am i, his fucking mother? re-tard-ed. that sounds like something a 5-year-old-would do, a really perverted 5-year-old. - We’re afraid to meet your mother.
ok now this is 100% totally & completely true. (see also: driving me to drink) - We think you should have already known all this stuff.
yes, because being male means having fucking ESP. of COURSE! they can totally read minds! and we should totally expect them to!!!
you know what? I CALL FUCKING BULLSHIT!!
begin rant:
ok so like, one or two of those things were pertinent. *kinda* but the rest? complete fucking bullshit! no wonder there are such bad relationships between men and women! i mean, christ. what kind of co-dependent wussy freak of nature needs someone to say ‘i love you’ every 10 fucking minutes? no, seriously!?!?! i can’t fucking fathom that. but if anyone told me anything every 10 minutes i guarantee i would not be a happy camper. i’d be annoyed as all hell, and would not hesitate to bless them out for being such a fucking pain in the ass.
yes, it’s good to feel loved, and appreciated, and respected, and equal and all that other lovely stuff. but god damn, must there really be all these crazy requirements and such? seriously. how can you have an adult relationship when all you do is bitch about how your other half is not fulfilling you sexually and expect them to read your mind and anticipate your every whim while completely babying you and smothering you with affection? god that sounds absolutely awful!
and, ok, i know that bad sex occurs. i’m fully aware of that. but jesus. they always pin the blame on one fucking person, and it’s always the guy. like…always. i mean, if i were a dude my response would be ‘oh yeah? well you can go fuck yourself!’ seriously. i mean, if all i ever heard was “i don’t get enough foreplay, i can’t have an orgasm with you, i’m completely unsatisfied…blah blah blah.” yeah, well i wouldn’t be that fired up to fuck, that’s for damned sure. another point where the expected telepathy is just fucking wrong here. how will anyone know what you like, what you want, what you desire if you don’t say anything!?! and, it’s exceptionally hard for me to take my own advice here. seriously. because i hate talking about sex. or rather, i don’t hate it…i’ll do it…(the talking part, i mean)…it’s just. i get embarrased and all retardedly shy sometimes. but fuck, if there was something i wanted/didn’t want, i’d speak up! because if not, i have no right to bitch about it otherwise.
and i guess, most of this vitriol is fueled by things like this stupid fucking list– which as far as i’m concerned does nothing more than widen the chasm of male-female relationships — and disgustigly retarded things like this, which just make me wonder if the human race isn’t completely doomed, and that people should never interact with each other (and definitely not breed!) ever. no seriously. ever.
why does it have to be so complicated? there’s no reason for it. you know what i want? it’s really ridiculously simple. i’ll tell you:
- respect me
- be honest with me
- don’t fuck with my mind
- don’t fuck around (see also: honesty)
- don’t ever change and/or try to change me (see also: respect)
- laugh…a lot.
you see? how fucking simle was that? how easy? that’s all i want. seriously, all.i.want. anything else is a bonus. it’s that fucking simple.
man, i’m reminded again why i should never read crap like this.
end rant.
mine :
