i think i figured out what it is…maybe. possibly. i just have bad luck with odd years. or, worse luck as the case may be.
for example, 21 was an atrocious year. seriously, utterly horrible. starting with the Worst Birthday On Earth…and the only thing that made it somewhat redeemable was the fact that i could marinate in whiskey the entire time.
20, however, wasn’t so bad. i had a good year, i think. or better than some. there were happy times, or at least not miserable ones. same with 18. and 19 kind of sucked donkey balls — although if you think of it, damned near every teen year is kind of a giant suckfest — but i think there was too much crammed into it, you know? the move across the country, new school, new friends, new life, long distance relationship bullshit, multiple family deaths. yeah…bad year. and being 22 was fun…actually, despite lots of bad shit it was a good time. maybe cuz i have a thing for symmetry i’m just fond of that age, i don’t know. that’s probably it, though.
then again, i’ve been 23 for just over a week now and basically am of the mind that 23 can eat a dick. a floppy, rotting dick. which isn’t necessarily fair to say only a week in…but you know. whatever. but maybe i’m just pissed off because i can think back years and years to 16, 17, 18 — when i was considerably stupider — and realize that 18 was 5 years ago, man. bluh…and the worst is i may have been at the top of my game in a lot of ways at 18. or at least, i had lots of possibility. or potential or some bullshit like that. maybe i’m stupider now, and getting progressively so as i age.
maybe i’m just pissed that it’s been 4 years since i’ve left colorado and i have practically nothing to show for it except for an extensive list of failures and fuckups.
maybe i just need some coffee and a cigarette.
or both.
/whining
