sometimes i dream about taking over a small nation — preferrably south american nation — and becoming an all-powerful, evil dictator. not brazil or columbia — too much sexy to handle on one side, too many drug lords to appease on the other. maybe ecuador, or peru; perhaps bolivia or chile, but definitely not argentina. madonna has completely ruined that nation henceforth. venezuela is just too sexy, but i think everyone would want a piece of that action — i want to go for the stealth attack, surprise ’em before they have a clue what’s going on & take over. (you know, come to think of it, who’s keeping tabs on suriname or guyana?) and perhaps i wouldn’t necessarily be evil, per se, but i would control all & crush any opposition that dared resist my mighty power. i mean, ideally, i’d be ruling an island all my own and stock it with willing & able pool boys…that is the ultimate dream, of course. but i think i should start with a smallish south-american nation first. establish my reign and branch out from there.
oooh, ooh…and they’d call me “el presidente”, or maybe just “mr. beefy”…i’m not sure yet, i’ll have to mull that one over a bit. i may be adored & feared by all simultaneously. but that could get a bit boring. i most definitely would have a squadron of specially-trained attack monkeys, and i would be the sole proprietor of their deployment and management. nobody fucks with my monkeys…
however, it wouldn’t be a complete power trip. i mean, i wouldn’t want my face on any of the money or anything like that, cuz…ew. and i’m not entirely sure my word would be law — literally — because how do you translate “buttsex” into law? if not strictly as currency? and at any rate, i wouldn’t want the people living in absolute fear or oppression — because then they would be averse to showering me with popiscles & fruity drinks. it wouldn’t be a democracy — democracy is dead, yo. or merely exists in name only these days — but it wouldn’t be a facist regime either. nor socialist. i’d like to take bits and pieces from governing policies and meld it all together into my own creation. in any case, i’d legalize marijuna & prostitution, because i think i should be a dictator/pimp if at all possible. yeah…that would do nicely.
you know, mulling over details is taking away from the awesomeness of the whole idea right now. it’s just a faint goal…rule a south american natino…it shall be attained, but for right now it will just remain a tasty surprise to slowly unravel.
or perhaps i should just play the sims some more strategize silently to myself, and wait for the perfect opportunity to present itself.
*note: fantasizing such things — namely, things not involving buttsex, or monkeys — is most likely a direct result of work making me twitchy and days like last’s week “Today Was Like Peeing Blood For 6 Hours Straight” extravaganza. yeah…that sounds “normal”.
