sometimes, i really think i never should have moved to massachusetts.
these are the times when i want a puppy, or a garage, or am so lonely i could pull my own hair out. these are the times when i think about everyone i left behind and how their lives seem to be moving forward, or you know, just moving and i feel like i’m fucking stuck in neutral. i don’t want to grow up, but i definitely feel like my whole life is just…stunted.
and it’s really creepy finding out old buddies are either engaged, married or married with children. super duper creepy. i feel like none of us are ready for something like that, but maybe that’s just me. except for, i don’t want anything like that. not even close. all i want is for this horrible restlessness to go away, once and for all. but i don’t know how to do that.
hearing from old friends both makes me feel nostalgic and a bit freaked out. i don’t miss my old life, i don’t really want it back, but i totally don’t want the life i have right now. is this really something you ever get a choice in? i don’t know.
i’ve also been putting off some pretty heavy discussions because i just don’t have the energy for them. meh.
all i know for certain is the highpoint of my day has been hearing from derek (i really do miss some folk). and an unholy number of years later (oh my god, i really am getting older…) he still has some of the prettiest eyes i’ve ever seen. so blue.
freaks all week, man. freaks all week.
ps – i might have a 2nd job for real now…wtf?
mine :
