years…hours of being 24…i haven’t decided yet.
you’d think that i’d have given this whole thing a bit more thought, but let’s just say i’ve been a bit “preoccupied” lately. faithy mentioned it’s a “big one” and of course jeanne hasn’t let up about it all week. as far as i’m concerned, though…it’s just another day. ordinary as hell, and usually a let down.
samuel l jackson did not make me any movies this year. oh well.
so let’s see…tomorrow i will be a quarter of a century old. meh? i guess, i don’t know. i don’t feel older and i certainly don’t feel like anything has changed. definitely the world has change a lot while i’ve been alive, but i don’t feel different. this is what usually happens with me. and while 21 is far more exciting, that year as a whole was so ungodly miserable and stupid i wouldn’t go through that again for anything in the world.
right now, i guess i’m more satisfied with certain aspects of my life: i’m on my own, work is fairly decent, etc. there are some things that could be better, and some that could be worse i guess. isn’t that the way it always goes?
there have been four presidents since i’ve been born. two of them have been a bush (shudder), and it’s rounded out to THREE terms of bush kin in the white house. it is exactly as horrible as it sounds…that’s actually, really depressing.
and i suppose really, what i’ve been doing lately is analyzing my life and everything in it trying to figure out what i want. i’m notorious for never knowing what i want: out of life, out of work, out of relationships, out of myself.
i just…never know. or i do know, but i won’t let myself accept it.
but i do know one thing right now, the only significant thing about tomorrow is the fact that i’ve made a decision. a pretty important one, actually.
in no more than five years, i’m leaving boston, massachusetts, new england…the whole deal. whether or not i have a job. whether or not i want to (though i’m sure my feelings won’t change). i’m getting out of here.
i can’t take it anymore, i want out, away, gone. i’m giving myself a generous time frame to get my shit in order and figure out what it is i want to do and where i want to go. and then, adios amigo, i’m gone.
there are a lot of things i start without finishing and a lot of things i do in my life or say i’ll do and just fuck up in the end. this is not one of them. the clock is tickin’ man, and i’m itchin’ to get out of here.
that’s what i want more than anything else in the world. to be settled and comfortable. not so self-conscious and anxious and jittery. even though i pretty much love my job (and really, who else would pay me this much?), i can’t tie myself to someplace i loathe forever.
so that’s it…i am going to get my shit together and leave the east coast. if i do it sooner than 5 years, bonus.
get some debt under control, work on career development, pick a place and get the fuck out of dodge. i maybe even have a destination in mind. at least, i’m going over it all with my beloved midget.
i daresay i have a plan.
random 1982 fact: December 1 – Thriller album by Michael Jackson is released, becoming the biggest selling album of all time in entertainment history.
