my pulse is pounding in my temples. thick and achey, i’m covered in sweat and now everything aches…
jeanne took me to “clean out” the camry this evening. i had momentarily forgotten the sheer amount of trunk space that car has (had?); it was my home away from home. i loved it, it made me feel safe. it was mine, you know? 100% outright mine, the finest thing i’ve ever owned. mine and i loved it.
tonight i just sat there, and sat there…aching.
tonight was the last time i will ever sit in that car. i listened to the radio, ran my hands over the steering wheel, checked my mirrors…aching.
everyone keeps saying “you’re lucky you’re ok.” but i don’t feel lucky, maybe that’s ungrateful to say, but i feel horrible. my heart hurts. and i don’t expect everyone to understand, in fact, i don’t really give a shit if they do or not…
i just wish i could take it all back, get a do-over…something…anything…
i wish i knew how to say good-bye…
