let me preface this by saying that i am NOT a motherfucking comcast customer. i wouldn’t voluntarily pay for their service if my life was on the line. am i making a completely uninformed statement? no. i was unfortunate enough (due to roomate issues and geographic location) to have been a customer at one point. those were some bleak years.
comcast is one of the motherfucking WORST businesses/services i have ever been unlucky enough to deal with…so you know, fuck them.
but ok, so i took my business elsewhere (out of sight, out of mind) and it’s been gravy since, right? right? not really.
see, i made sure to have nothing to do with them, but they won’t leave me the fuck alone.
i live on the top floor of my building. there’s an outside door [ entryway ] inside door kind of thing going on. anyone can come in the outside door, buzz to get in and if they’re allowed, go in through the inside door. from there, apartments, hallways, etc. there are no solicitation signs everywhere, but you know, people are dicks. most places will tape menus to the outer doors, or leave fliers on the floor of the entryway, or if they do manage to sneak in, place a pile by the mailboxes. but oh, not motherfucking comcast, that’s too decent for those assholes.
example:
approx. 1.5 years ago i was coming home to find a comcast fucker trying to get in my building. like, seriously fucking with the door. i asked him to a.) stop b.) move so i could get into my fucking apartment building and c.) please leave. i asked nicely (mistake) at first. he was brusque and rude. i then asked could he please take his wares elsewhere, and clearly pointed out the NO SOLICITATION sign. he was belligerent, and as soon as i got the key in my door, shoved me aside to get in and dump mountains of fucking rip off flyers all over. i asked him to leave, he shouted at me. i took out my phone and threatened to call the cops. he slunk out, i made sure the inner door was shut, picked up the flyers and put all but one in the trash. that one i took upstairs because it so helpfully had his name and number. i called comcast to complain. now that, that is a fucking ordeal. just trying to get ahold of a live asshole was ridiculous and exhausting. but i did, i complained, i said i would further involve authorities if necessary and that if i ever saw that man again he could kindly go fuck himself. they were apologizing all over themselves.
the flyers died down for a while…
then ramped up more and more. we always throw them out. most don’t take them past the mailboxes.
cue today…
i get home, and there are fucking comcast flyers all over the entryway and all over our mailboxes. i grab those and throw them in the trash. then i head upstairs.
EVERY GOD DAMNED HALLWAY IS FULL OF FLIERS!
all over the floor, all over everywhere. god damn.
then i get to my door. flyers up and down the hall like a god damned trashcan exploded (littering motherfuckers) but the WORST of it are the flyers jammed under my door. when i get inside there are more…
INSIDE
MY
APARTMENT
oh hell fucking no!
so, i feed the cats (they are not amused by comcast, either), put on my best bitchface and call their office. protip: if you google a local comcast number it’s really just an exchange to their call center. the person you get on the end of the line won’t be in the office but possibly across the country.
i called, i calmly explained, and the girl on the other end was all ‘oh, no that’s not what comcast wants to be known for.’ so i guess it’s just the murdering, then?
we’ll see what happens, but i’ve half a mind to take out the ol’ cattle prod and booby trap my apartment. let’s see those fuckers try to push their shitty ass service on me then!
but in all seriousness, fuck you, comcast! fuck yo’ couch!
