i have the cape. i make the fucking whoosh noises!

i feel like i’m never going to get out from under …all of this.

how much longer am i going to be healthy and able enough to work? how much do i need to earn to make sure i can live? what if i never own a home? what is going to happen when i get old?

i’m lately plagued with a very real and very terrifying fear of ending up broke, alone, and cold and homeless. i’m actually paralyzed by the fear of ending up homeless in my old age or even not so old age. 10 years from now, what if i’m homeless? what…how…ugh i don’t even know how to stop it. but i’m terrified.

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it’s really lonely
11.21.13 at 8:56 am

category : blahblahblah, mehz0rz

cold and lonely and empty.

all the time. i have a million thoughts swirling around in my head and half the time it’s so cluttered with all of these things that i can barely breathe. i can feel the words bubbling up in my throat and choking me. and at other times it’s nothing but tumbleweeds and cold echoes.

emptiness all around. all the time. it didn’t use to be this bad, or i guess i didn’t notice it enough, didn’t pay enough attention. but now it’s this oppressive weight bearing down on me.

i’m not sure i can keep doing this — day in and day out — for very long, though. not much longer, anyway. also, i’m not sure that i want to.

i mean, who would?

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dusting off cobwebs and such
11.19.13 at 9:42 am

category : blahblahblah, daily grind, mehz0rz

i haven’t been here in ages, it seems. but like, you can’t ever really walk away from this much history, you know? all my good things are here…well, some of them. all of my bad things, too. pain, memories, misery, despair…all that shit. this is where it lives. and maybe that’s why i’ve been gone so long? who knows.

but, you can’t ever really walk away. and it’s not like ‘oh wow, i’ve been so happy and thrilled all this time!’ quite the opposite, really. but it’s like, i just haven’t made an effort. which is just the lamest excuse there is, really. like, what is that, even?

it takes too much effort?

that’s pretty dumb.

i really need to work on that, though. it’s like so many things are being put off in life. all the things. and for what, really? what is the point? what am i waiting for? and it seems like i’m always waiting for something. waiting and waiting and just not much actual doing, you know? also pretty dumb.

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archive for November, 2013

fears

Thursday, November 28th, 2013

i feel like i’m never going to get out from under …all of this. how much longer am i going to be healthy and able enough to work? how much do i need to earn to make sure i can live? what if i never own a home? what is going to happen when i […]

posted in daily grind, mehz0rz | No Comments »

it’s really lonely

Thursday, November 21st, 2013

cold and lonely and empty. all the time. i have a million thoughts swirling around in my head and half the time it’s so cluttered with all of these things that i can barely breathe. i can feel the words bubbling up in my throat and choking me. and at other times it’s nothing but tumbleweeds […]

posted in blahblahblah, mehz0rz | No Comments »

dusting off cobwebs and such

Tuesday, November 19th, 2013

i haven’t been here in ages, it seems. but like, you can’t ever really walk away from this much history, you know? all my good things are here…well, some of them. all of my bad things, too. pain, memories, misery, despair…all that shit. this is where it lives. and maybe that’s why i’ve been gone […]

posted in blahblahblah, daily grind, mehz0rz | No Comments »

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archive for November, 2013

fears

it’s really lonely

dusting off cobwebs and such

timesucks

web comix

eargasmic