this is going to go down in history as the worst fucking day ever. and about the only upside is in a little bit i’m going to a show at great scott’s, but even more so than that: i didn’t fucking get frost bite this afternoon trudging out into the crap pile that is allston in the winter.
ugh.
everything about today sucks and all i want to do is DESTROY THE WORLD. or, you know, roll in a ball in the dark and practice my ugly cry face.
fuck
fuck this weather! we totally almost died today on the road! worst.drive.ever! to the grocery store and back.
i’m totally done with winter!
you know that part in the movie “gremlins” where you’ve fed gizmo after midnight and gotten his bitch ass wet and exposed him to sunlight or whatever? and you know that’s a bad thing because that fuzzy motherfucker is so delicate that the slightest change or deviation from the ‘gremlin rules’ will just fuck his shit up…
and he turns into that little slimy pod thing that incubates the horrible, non-fuzzy gremlins and turns them into ridgy, cranky little bastards with scales and teeth? you know the part where the slime pods burst open and the bastard gremlins crawl out? right before they go buck wild and start fuckin’ shit up in earnest?
that’s what my insides feel like right now.
fuckin’ uterus, you’re a gremlin bastard!
today is a very bad day. i hate talking about my job on here, because, honestly, it’s enough to go through it all day every day during the week…i shouldn’t have to waste valuable time going over things here as well, it already bleeds into my personal life enough as is.
but working here is maddening in a way that just seeps all of my energy and will to live out. it’s like spending all day smashing your head against a brick wall. with spikes on it. every day, all day, forever and ever. even when it splits your skull open and brain meats and fluids start seeping out, and you’re severely concerned about your sanity…
you still have to keep smashing your head against that wall…
right now i’m trying to keep my mind off of it by reading how fabulous beth ditto is. seriously, i love her to know end. and for a bit, it’s working… but it’s also reminding me that her life is fabulous and fantastic and mine is decidedly not. that’s a bit of a downer.
but just look at her, she’s so lovely.
i’m beginning to wonder who you have to skullfuck around these parts for decent medical care. and not even getting into the whole public-vs.-private health coverage/insurance/clusterfuck debate, just simply: where are the decent doctors? and how can a fully-insured citizen go about obtaining their expertise and services?
it’s god damned maddening and a waste of time and money for all involved (but namely, me) going through all these incompetent assholes (namely, my former PCP — aka dr. shitty fuckflaps) and dealing with mis-diagnosis, inattention and stupidity.
please? i’m not sure i can deal with the absolute fuckery of this one anymore. seriously. just when i think i’m catching a break, something completely awful happens and i don’t even know how to deal with it anymore.
i don’t want to whine and bitch and moan, really, i don’t…but i do want to calmly just remove everything from my current life, box it up, seal it up tight, ship it far far far away from here and embark on a brand new life.
please?
that’s all i’m asking…
