i have the cape. i make the fucking whoosh noises!

b.l.o.g.

you know that part in the movie “gremlins” where you’ve fed gizmo after midnight and gotten his bitch ass wet and exposed him to sunlight or whatever? and you know that’s a bad thing because that fuzzy motherfucker is so delicate that the slightest change or deviation from the ‘gremlin rules’ will just fuck his shit up…

and he turns into that little slimy pod thing that incubates the horrible, non-fuzzy gremlins and turns them into ridgy, cranky little bastards with scales and teeth? you know the part where the slime pods burst open and the bastard gremlins crawl out? right before they go buck wild and start fuckin’ shit up in earnest?

that’s what my insides feel like right now.

fuckin’ uterus, you’re a gremlin bastard!

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things i am excited for
3.2.10 at 4:04 pm

category : blahblahblah, daily grind, mehz0rz

new PCP who is not a fuckbag cocksucker
new curtains in the livingroom look well lush
i COMPLETED my imperial flagship (pictures to follow)
PAX East 2010 with the boy
getting a new bed from ikea (oh my god the delicious softness, so comfy!)
pi day celebrations! so many pies!
new tattoo appointment with my bfffffffffffffffffffffffff(x infinity!) kw
new tattoo (so awesome it had to be listed twice!)
new dining set for the kitchen (well, new to me)
new cabinet for the bathroom (new to me, also: free!)
new ideas for even MORE tattoos…
visiting my baby bro in may (so excited!)

it’s hard to believe i already have an idea of what i’ll be doing months from now and how quickly the year is flying by.

plus, on top of all the awesome things i have to look foward to, there are a number of slightly-less-than-awesome work things coming down the pipeline. hopefully the kick ass stuff will be spread out enough amongst the reviews, and migrations, and moves, and offsites and general work fuckery (so much worse than whimsicle fuckery) that it will all balance out.

hopefully.

pray for mojo.

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PTO
2.11.10 at 3:52 pm

category : daily grind, mehz0rz

honestly, if i called off of work every time i felt too sick to actually make it all the way in to work…i don’t think i’d actually work at all.

today, it feels like my innards are slowly being squeezed and squished in a vice. and also, like everything inside me wants to come out. violently.

lovely, right?

it will pass, and by the time it does i will feel exhausted.

i think i need a new life.

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no news is good news?
2.10.10 at 4:12 pm

category : blahblahblah, extra fancy, mehz0rz

i’m in a bit of a quandry right now. or, who knows, maybe i’m really not? it’s weird because i’m simultaneously not affected in any way/shape/form or even the slightest bit concerned but i’m also very, very disturbed and grossed out.

this makes no sense, right? none!

i almost feel wrong even having an opinion about this at all. which, i’ll need a shower and a stiff drink, at the very least, i think. you know, i’m babbling now…
Read the rest of this entry »

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the twelve
12.31.09 at 12:00 pm

category : blahblahblah, daily grind, mehz0rz

it’s no great big secret that 2009 was one hell of a bumpy ride and i’m nothing short of fucking OVERJOYED to see it finally come to an end… but i’d be lying if i said there wasn’t some good that went with the bad (and the ugly!). in all honesty, it seriously was one hell of a year…and i can’t believe how quickly time just slipped through my fingers. am i ready for 2010? who knows? will it be better than 2009, i sure as shit hope so! am i gullible enough to think all my troubles are passing with the year end? definitely not.

january: it was pretty uneventful for me, if memory serves (which it usually doesn’t). i remember being beyond stressed and freaked out about my job and feeling like i was ever on the verge of being fired. what would i do with my life? how would i survive? constant, constant freakouts and worries. every little thing piling up. without work how would i handle bills, rent, health insurance, kitty care, car expenses and maintenance and so on and so on and so on. every day was a mild victory and preparation for the next uncertainty over the horizon. i did not think i would last out the month and it was frightening and tiring after a while. also, we were supposed to see radio 4 and did not. first concert of 2009 totally let me down (though not their fault). also: chinese new year was delicious, as always.

february: was pretty much eaten up by super bowl (oh my god…somuchfood!) and battlestar galactica. seriously, i’m not sure there was anything else worth it, and that’s ok because february is a stupid, short month anyway. one highlight, though, is my very first trip to providence. it was brief, but sweet.
it’s practically worthless. work was still maddening and a bit scary (now, with lower pay!), and i was trying to balance sorting out my work issues with my ladyparts issues while there was still health insurance to be had. frustrating squared!

Read the rest of this entry »

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unfulfilled potential or ridiculous self-delusions…
12.15.09 at 3:46 pm

category : blahblahblah, daily grind, mehz0rz

lately (sometimes) i’ve been feeling like i wish i could go to art school. which is weird and so wrong. i hate the douchey hipster art crowds around new england and the art schools out here are lame but really what i’m consumed with is this unrelenting urge to create and this constant, gnawing frustration with my inability to do so. it’s not like i’m all ‘oh i’m so creative and overflowing with fabulous and magnificent impulses to make art!’ it’s just…

god, i don’t even know how to explain it properly, you know? and the art school in my mind is all mixed media and studios/ware house rooms with various types of natural light and limitless supplies and opportunity and space…and…it probably doesn’t even exist in the real world, you know? and definitely not in mine.

i just feel so constrained. i have images and ideas and all sorts of vague creations swirling around in my head until they get bigger and bigger and start pushing at the edges of my skull and stretching out my brain until it feels like they will burst out on their own whether i’m ready or not. clawing and clamoring and gnashing their way out.

i feel like i never finish the things i start. ever. which is also uber fucking frustrating. i’m sick of seeing these seemingly-simple artistic crafty things that everyone else is doing and finding them so fascinating and fabulous and spending money on them when it makes me have these stabbing pains of ridiculous internal guilt like: why are you spending money on that stuff when you should be doing it yourself?

that’s not so self-involved or whatever as to discount anyone else’s artistic prowess…but i don’t think i’m trying hard enough at all, you know? and sometimes i can’t even begin to start because it’s so maddening to not be able to just close my eyes and project the images in my head onto paper or canvas or sculpture or whatever…

why can’t my mind and my hands cooperate?

but i’m probably psyching myself up and psyching myself out all in the same go. because, who the fuck am i to think i could paint or draw or sculpt or whatever, right? lord knows if i were really in a place where i had to create art or had to write or had to craft then i would not be able to do anything but, right?

because if you’re really trying to convince yourself you’re, say, a writer…then you can’t do anything but write?

right?

i just don’t know. i have itchy fingers, man. itchy fuckin’ fingers.

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Protected: fuck my life
8.26.09 at 9:23 pm

category : extra fancy, mehz0rz

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Friday, May 28th, 2010

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things i am excited for

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

new PCP who is not a fuckbag cocksucker new curtains in the livingroom look well lush i COMPLETED my imperial flagship (pictures to follow) PAX East 2010 with the boy getting a new bed from ikea (oh my god the delicious softness, so comfy!) pi day celebrations! so many pies! new tattoo appointment with my […]

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PTO

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

honestly, if i called off of work every time i felt too sick to actually make it all the way in to work…i don’t think i’d actually work at all. today, it feels like my innards are slowly being squeezed and squished in a vice. and also, like everything inside me wants to come out. […]

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