oh, you will be missed.
mine :
category : daily grind, mehz0rz
comments : nada mucho
mine :
no matter what anyone tells you, or attempts to claim…there is little else in this world that smells worse than massachusetts in the rain. seriously, i don’t care if you’re in cambridge, boston, allston, brighton, medford or everett…that shit reeks. the weather has been particularly asstacular lately (june: it’s the new april!) and all it breeds is moldy, mildewy, festering stench. the city has defrosted enough that the street stench has been loosed out into the world, only now it’s coated in a muggy, unpleasant moisture.
the city is moist.
i never realized before just how unsettling that word truly is.
on the bus or T, you find a whole new cornucopia of smells that, quite frankly, i could do without ever knowing existed. everyone has their own special brand of “wet dog du jour”…on the streets it’s not much better. urine, vomit, [other], beer, garbage, rotting food…it all comes together under one particularly pungent blanket of damp rot.
maybe i’m just cranky because for the last five hours i’ve been making a monumental effort not to let my stomach turn itself inside-out as it so desperately wants.
but fuck, man…this shit is stank.
mine :
category : blahblahblah, daily grind, mehz0rz
comments : nada mucho
mine :
sometimes, more often than not lately, i’ve been wondering if i shouldn’t have had more of a wild and crazy period of life. by all accounts, the times when i was something of a party animal are still pretty damn tame. compared to some things i’ve heard. compared to some things i’ve seen. regret isn’t the right word, but it’s the first one that comes to mind. except, that’s not true either. it’s more like…curiosity.
of course, it’s never the way you imagine. it seems only on television or in the movies do you see the stereotypical wild rave/party night where everything is flashing lights, thumping music, pounding base, thrashing bodies, pulsing, beating, lights, sound, flesh. sweat-drenched insanity swallowed up in noise. no responsibilities, no worries, no boundaries, no inhibitions just being there. feeling. living. being.
except, in the real world, it’s never quite like you picture it. someone spills beer on your shoes or elbows you aside or the music is some lame-ass 80s compilation played in an overpriced bar by a chipmunk-looking over-the-hill dj with filthy bathrooms. because the bathrooms are always filthy. that’s not something they show in the movies, because when everyone is at the stereotypical rave scene/wild night out nobody has to go to the bathroom. ever. unless it’s to do more drugs or fuck or something.
which, despite any and all curiosity, i would never do. or maybe i would…you know, if the bathrooms weren’t so damn filthy.
but at the end of the day you wake up and open your eyes and realize that the weight on your chest crushing you down and making it hard to think, move, feel, or even breathe…is your life. this is what you’ve become: responsibility, stability, mind-numbing boredom and ennui. you’re in a place where you never thought you’d be and all you want is one moment to feel, to experience, to be. just one damn breath that isn’t so hard to take. it’s not as bad as it sounds, but sometimes this is what it feels like.
and even if you could take the chance and throw it all away to just drown yourself in an endless stream of booze and drugs and pulsing sound and say ‘fuck it.’ that maybe you wouldn’t?
or you would.
you know, if the bathrooms were cleaner.
mine :
category : daily grind, mehz0rz
comments : nada mucho
mine :
when you’re in school, everything you do is a reflection of yourself. your efforts, your hard work, your determination. or lack thereof…
if you work hard, put in the hours, give it everything you got, or at least try try try…it will be reflected in your grades. evaluated. recognized. everyone says it doesn’t mean anything, and they’re probably right, you know. meaningless paper, numbers, figures. but at the very least it might have some equivalency with work you’ve actually done. whether it be studying your brains out, or cheating your ass off…there’s a balance there, you see?
this is not so in the real world. when you’re at a right proper job. put in your hours, give an extra effort, bend over backwards…you could do all of that, even more than when you were younger, and it still might not count for shit.
i’d be generous and say there’s a 50-50 chance that you could either benefit from your efforts or not. but that’s a bit of a large estimate. you could, in most cases, get completely ignored. that’s about the middle ground, i’d wager, and where most people fall whether they like it or not. a blip on the bleedin’ radar. and on the far worse end, you could get screwed over: walked on, pushed around, taken for granted, used. again and again and again until you’re all used up. until you’re a bitter husk of what you used to be, stripped of all ambitions and initiative…whittled down to the brittle core of something you didn’t even know you had inside you. resentment, hopelessness, apathy and a fine layer of despair. another dollar, another day…
if you’re lucky, and i mean really fucking lucky and manage to put forth all your effort and hard work (and not be a manky little asskiss); if you can do it day in and day out all day every day every damn day without losing that last flickering spark of…something…anything…well, at best you’ll get a pat on the back. or maybe a jolly ‘job well done, then!’ maybe. and you better thank your lucky stars for just that much because most of the poor workin’ stiffs out there get fuck all. so if that’s all you get, take it, man. fuckin’ take it.
and like it.
because that’s all there is.
unless you’re well versed in thievery, nepotism or blackmail. you know, because…it pays to have marketable skills.
* note: i apologize in advance for the S*P reference, seeing as how billy corgan has devolved into a massively huge wanker. but if you think about it, he always was a massively huge wanker, he just hid it better, yeah? right.
mine :
