science has created evolution in a tube! fascinating, really.
things i didn’t need to know about: old people fucking. things that people should not have any say in: old people fucking.
why didn’t anyone think to give the albino gorilla sunblock?! he was so adorable!
most horrible keychain idea ever? fish-in-a-keychain. ugh, i hate fish, in nearly every incarnation.
disclaimer: i am not a feminist. nor am i going to discuss feminism at length. i am not a femin-not, either, mind you. humanity needs equality, as a whole, as a species. with no limitations of race, ethnicity, sexuality or creed. none of those matter or are even apparent at a biological level, on a cellular level, on a genetic level, on the level that separates our DNA from the rest of the animal kingdom. human = human. (my math is simple)
that said, there are clear reasons why i am not a hardcore feminist despite actually being a woman and thus subject to discrimination and hardship by sole virtue of my gender. i will not pretend to be blinded by the inequalities around me, however; i am fully aware that to get anywhere in this world, to have a virtually hassle-free existence you must meet the following prerequisites. you must be middle-/upper-class, caucasian, male…at the very least these are the basics. you will do better if you are of a christian faith than any other, though jewish is somewhat acceptable. but i digress…
there is a war in iraq right now, in case you didn’t know. it has been going on for seven long years. although, technically, you could reason that it’s been going on for far longer and that this is just a tragic culmination. the ignorant son finishing what the inept father could not.
there is a recession going on right now, and the financial backbone of the country is strained straining…broken. nobody has job security anymore, and the future is woefully uncertain. more so even than it has been in a very long time.
there are people starving and sick and suffering and dying the world over, and right within our own borders. in haiti men, women and children have nothing to eat but bitter dirt and tears. in the midwest school children can’t even afford the cost of meager hot lunches (in many cases, the only meal they get of the day), because their families are too poor and the costs of everything steadily rises.
everywhere you look there is pain and suffering and hope dwindles day by day…but if you look to the white house, you see our nation’s leader…
observe, the dumbest fucking contest ever: my own boston wedding.
who the fuck proposes on the T?!
this story makes me feel ever more justified in my resolve to never, never, never, ever, ever, ever, EVER (a thousand million times never) have children. now, i have had plenty of teachers that i’m not entirely fond of…but even at my most vindictive am no where this calculating and malicious. at least, not at 8-or-9-freaking-years-old i wasn’t!
anyone who tries to change my mind by playing up the innocence and joy of having a child can just suck it dry right now. these kids were meticulous and full of ill-will. they were not innocent little lambs, and hell, they were organized into a large group of would-be murderers. each with his or her own devious task!
sometimes i find myself undermining the power and will of children — which, as a child myself, was something i hated adults for doing to me — but these days, not so much. ineffectual, uninvolved parenting and a culture hellbent on spending more energy finding a halfway-decent scapegoat over any smidgen of self-awareness or accountability is breeding a society of truly disturbing individuals.
can i get a round of DUH!?
do you really need ten whole reasons to have sex? and thus, in light of such astounding scientific evidence proving how fucking awesome fucking is… can we, as a nation, move on from the condemnation of sexuality as a whole and stop being so fucking puritanical?
double standards and childish fears of sex abound, man. why are so many teen pregnancies regarded with astonishment and a frantic search for a scapegoat? i mean, if you don’t make an effort to teach safe sex in schools and educate your own children then you should not be so surprised when your son or daughter comes home with a particularly vicious STD/bun in the oven.
sex is good for you, sex is totallyfuckingawesomefun, everyone has it, everyone wants it, and yet in america the general public acts as if it is some great, horrifying taboo. it would be ironic if it weren’t so god damned fucking sad.
i am wearing my incredibly cute a’hoy matey! dress with my new skull & crossbones galoshes and weather be damned, it is awesome. some days, you just have to be a pirate, savvy?
remember saturday morning cartoons growing up? remember waking up uber-fucking-early and getting juice or cereal or poptarts and settling down just to catch every moment of kick ass programming? remember how cartoons nowadays are so incredibly retarded they will make your brain meats liquefy into a puddle of dumb ass and leak out your ears? yeah…me too. what i don’t remember — because i’ve so clearly blocked all this shit out — is how utterly disturbing some of these cartoons were: Top 10 Most Disturbing Moments in 80s Cartoons. only now am i re-remembering all of these extra fucking special moments in cartoon history, but obviously the fact that i had NO IDEA until now speaks to my awesome powers of represson. plus, i am totally ashamed of how i wanted nothing more than to be jem! when i was 5 years old (the year before i was rainbow brite). ps – don’t fuck with the smurfs!
in other news, the TSA is still run by utter and complete assholes. are you even a little bit surprised?
