today…not so bad.
and my apartment is clean.
mine :
category : whatnot
comments : nada mucho
mine :
“I’m just a fucked up girl looking for my own piece of mind.”
— clementine
i can’t remember where or how it started.
c o n t r a d i c t i o n
not exactly, not entirely…vaguely. sometimes it all feels new, everything a mystery all over again — a puzzle with pieces i’ve never seen before. sometimes it feels like snuggling down in a quilt of comfort forever — everything familiar and warm and love. at the end of the day, at the end of any day, the only thing that remains is you.
there was a before, of course — there always is. the before doesn’t really feel all that long ago, but in a lot of ways it does. there’s a completely different version of me now than before. this version tries very hard not to compare any of the now to the before. then again, it’s not really that hard to do, doesn’t take a lot to try…you make it pretty easy by being something completely different.
and i like that.
for some good reasons and some not so good ones, i like that. i wouldn’t have it any other way. maybe it’s just because i have my own set of issues/quirks/freakouts/etc. but i like that you know me just by looking at me, but you don’t know every shade of who i am from being here since the beginning of me. you don’t know the awkward grade school version, and you don’t know the jr. high version, and you don’t know the basketball version, and you don’t know the high school version, and you don’t know the summer in the country version, you don’t know the naive freshman version, you don’t know the reckless version…you don’t know…
mine :
category : whatnot
comments : (2) palabras
mine :
(i’m almost done reading the stand)
a lady’s hands proclaim her habits…so what does that say about me? if i were to inspect now i’d see one small cat scratch (or maybe it’s from packaging), severely uneven nails, dryness, cuticles with issues, unfortunate stubbiness. ick. these are my hands.
they have always been like this. i tried, once, twice, maybe three or four times when i was younger to not bite my nails. i tried very hard. then they got longer, and almost — almost — something feminine that could be made pretty. but i’d inevitably break a nail (weakened from compulsively chipping off polish), or something. i’d give in. or they’d get too long and i’d stab myself in the eye trying to get a contact situated.
it’s a constant battle. and i know i’m not helping. i bite when i get nervous, i bite when i get stressed, i bite when i’m restless, i bite bite bite.
sometimes i’m good to my hands: nail files and moisturizers and pretty polish and things. i try, but then i forget. and work takes its toll, as does the weather, and then i’m back to square one. it’s a useless vanity i can’t quite bring myself to care too much about.
a lady’s hands proclaim her habits…
but the more i think about it, the more i realize…i’m not much of a lady. that much i can see. i always get something wrong: hair, nails, clothes, makeup…something. and i keep telling myself that it’s because i don’t have time — if i had the time to take on petty vanity i’d be ok — but really…it’s just.
not me.
i’m not sure that i could pull it off anyway.
also: headache time.
mine :
category : teh wurld, whatnot
comments : nada mucho
mine :
from the bottom of my wee lil heart, i love them more than you will ever know. the kelton st. casa was quickly & efficiently hooked up with cable/hi-speed internet last saturday, as soon as they hooked everything up and plugged it in…voila! internet! cable! functionality!
it was so unbelievably simple it was ridiculous. and a pleasant, pleasant change from the ass-raping, suck-fucking, house cat, rat dick (tm professor brothers) behavior of the evil known as comcast.
it’s fuckin’ comcastic, indeed.
additionally, the gentlemen that came to my apt and installed everything were pleasant, courteous and not murderin’ rapists.
that, in my book, gets rcn all of my squooshy, squooshy love.
love!
mine :
category : whatnot
comments : nada mucho
mine :
absolution comes in many forms and i’m still trying to figure them all out. there’s definitely a mix of things going on in my head, and even the fastest of typings doesn’t quite get it all out in one piece.
scattered.
and i haven’t quite worked up the motivation to clump it all into something a bit more malleable. maybe i will…sometime.
deceptively gorgeous weather is throwing me entirely out of whack. it’s so unexpected, so contradictory to the sludgy grossness that is coating all of new england in slippery muck. mucky muck. but still, it’s not too ungodly cold out, it’s actually a bit sunshine-y and lovely outside. you know, despite the muck. i even had a lovely walk from harvard square back to the office in central today. it was nice: music, me, sunshine, peace.
i’m starting to look forward to this year a bit, which is a strange feeling. usually i’m pretty much submerged up to my neck meats in dread and worry. i’m trying to get a handle on that. and by no means is everything in my world hunky dory right now, but i’m trying to focus on the stuff that is ok. the stuff that’s right. that way i’m in a bit of a better frame of mind to handle the stuff that’s not. and there is a lot of it…but…
one step at a time, yo.
that’s all i can do right now. and i’ve just about convinced myself that it’s ok. almost.
i’m getting there.
mine :
category : amuserings & musings, whatnot
comments : nada mucho
mine :
i would like to note that lola is a pervert. i would not have initially suspected it, but then again, she does spend an inordinate amount of time licking her own ass.
and now, i’ve just remembered…pervert.
voyer kitty.
mine :
category : whatnot
comments : nada mucho
mine :
- i have no desire to count this out, so i won’t. you dig?
- every time i’m typing i realize i will never have long nails, or decent nails. i’m not that kind of girl.
- also: bite bite bite bite…stress.
- i will never want kids. never have, never will, period.
- i think tetris is the greatest game ever, and could play it forever if you let me. tetris has given me great packing skillz.
- i covet this more than you could ever know (see thumbnail). fucking COVET it, yo.
- i love fruit, nearly all fruit. but i will never love mangoes, the texture or something turns me off. mangoes have thus been slighted.
- i am addicted to live music, a major goal of figuring out my budget is to incorporate feeding this addiction. i am not ashamed about this.
- i still have no high heel wearing skills, i’m not sure i ever will. but that does not mean i will stop trying — especially when i have some really nifty heels to try.
- i don’t have many clothes i feel pretty in, but that’s not their fault.
- ghosts and the supernatural and psychics mean nothing to me, i don’t believe in them. even really creepy things that have happened to me, don’t shake my belief.
- i don’t believe in palm & tarot readings, in fact, i break palm/tarot readers. i daresay i confound them.
- i am proud of this.
mine :
